I just went back and read the posts about men and women being friends. That was a really good discussion! So Jenn, and anyone else new here, I encourage you to go back and read them here, here, and here.
Jenn, remember how Darby and I started out as best friends? Dating turned out to be a disaster for us, although the double date with you and Joe in Lincoln was a lot of fun! It ultimately ruined the friendship. That still makes me sad sometimes. Not that we didn’t stay together, but that we lost the friendship. Sometimes friends should just remain friends and not even chance the change in the relationship. Of course I’m talking about pre-marriage here. I had no boundaries at the time, and repeated that same mistake with another guy friend before Benny and I started dating. I think if I had had someone talk to me about boundaries back then, my life would have turned out very differently. I would hope that Benny and I would have still gotten together, but I think I would have come to him as a whole person and not the broken, damaged girl that he married. I also think it might have prevented the emotional affair that happened in our early married days. So to answer your question about men/women friendships…Yes. I think it’s not only possible to be friends with the opposite sex, I think sometimes it’s very beneficial – with boundaries. ALL friendships have them – or should. Let me know what you think of the past discussions. I’d love to chat with you some more about it.
A few of the comments in the previous posts have led me to our next discussion topic here.
I want to talk about women and sexual addiction. I appreciated Liz’s comment. It’s extremely difficult to admit to having issues (past or present) with that, whether it’s on a blog of a friend, or face to face. It’s a bigger issue than many in the church think or would care to acknowledge. One of the reasons I started this particular blog was to tackle the hard stuff. This will be one of the hardest topics of discussion for me personally. Give me a few days to get the first post up and please feel free to email me your questions, personal stories, or encouragement for courage posting about something that’s not usually discussed in circles I have been in or am in now. I’ve had many discussions with friends that have struggled with this issue as much as I have. I know I’m not alone and I want other people to feel the same way. Sexual addiction is something that can be overcome and I’m hoping to bring this issue into the light where it belongs. Victory is possible and Hope and Forgiveness is available.
So, let’s talk…
March 31, 2007 at 4:44 pm |
Thanks for the links to those other discussions Nikki! I really enjoyed reading them. Joe and talked about it as soon as the offending e-mail was received. For that I am so thankful. I have been going over and over this in my mind for the past few days. I did receive a response back from the woman, apologizing, telling me how strong her marriage is, that she did share this with her husband right away, and that she didn’t mean it the way I took it. My agony is now whether Joe ended a friendship that needn’t have been ended. In the end, she caused this by inappropriate words to someone else’s husband, but I still wonder. To me her explanation seemed more like and excuse, and one that given the situation didn’t really hold water. I guess I’ll never really know for sure what her intent was, and I just have to remain satisfied that we did what we needed to do to keep an unwanted influence out of our marriage.
This incident has helped us in a way. We have talked so much this week, that I feel like I am being “heard” again.
I know he listens when I talk, but sometimes I don’t think he hears. I’m sure he could say the same of me. 
I kind of saw this coming, and if he had “heard” what I’ve been saying he might have seen it sooner and headed it off.
Anyway, I look forward to your next topic, and thanks again for your links to the other discussions.
April 2, 2007 at 7:47 pm |
You are one awesome lady to be willing to talk about the hard stuff here. I can’t wait to see what God does with this blog.
Been praying for you and Benny.
Love you lots!
April 3, 2007 at 8:44 am |
Personally, I don’t think I could really be close friends with a man. I try to stay distant after my affair. It’s just too risky – kinda like a recovering alcoholic going into a bar. At least for now (and it’s been 2 years since my affair ended) I try not to even be alone in a room with a man w/o someone else present.
I think some people can be friends with the opposite sex, but some people will always be tempted.
April 4, 2007 at 7:23 pm |
Being good friends with many women as I am, Beaner, I’d say that every person will always be tempted. We can’t avoid non-spousal relationships with the opposite sex, and as long as that is a factor, there will always be temptation. Also, I think too many variables are in play to say how much temptation in what circumstances.
Stay strong, Beaner.
April 5, 2007 at 6:26 am |
Thanks kingj! I guess I’m friends with guys, but I’m not going to go out to a coffeeshop alone with any of them for any reason. Any depth of the friendship will occur in my Small Group setting. I’m a “group friend” for now & probably forever!!!