There is so much I could say about the healing process. The book mentioned in the last post has been a big help to me. Talking to friends about my struggle to forgive, and seeing a professional to help me work through what my past abuse has done to me-how it’s effected who I am and how I function, have been paramount in my own process. I’m still dealing with some anger issues, but I know I’ll get there – that place of wholeness.
Whoever said “Time heals all wounds” was an idiot. The only thing time does is pass. It’s what we do with time that makes a difference. It’s about making choices.
I choose NOT to be a victim. I choose to heal.
I choose NOT to live in the past. I choose to move forward.
I choose NOT to hate. I choose to forgive.
I choose to speak out and share my story so that others might find their path to healing.
I make some of those choices daily, and that’s o.k. I want to encourage people to speak up and get help if they need it, but I also want to be very clear that living in the pain of the past is not really living at all. It’s the opposite of living. It’s camping on the doorstep of hell, watching life go on without you, and who wants to live there??
One of the healing choices I’ve made over the past few months is to not have any future contact with the abusive people in my past. One of them is getting out of prison soon, and one of them is a dirty old man who wasn’t changed at all by his short prison sentence several years ago. There are others, but these two are the most likely to try to contact me. One of them had the nerve to send me a friend request on Facebook.
Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, a fact I wish I would have learned years ago. Forgiveness means acknowledging that I was wronged, but not holding that wrongdoing over the head of the offender. I choose to forgive, but I have boundaries in place so I can’t be abused by these people again. That is what makes reconciliation impossible for me. These men are repeat offenders and I can not give them opportunity to bring me or my family harm. I believe that people can change, but there’s been little indication of that with these men, and I refuse to camp on the doorstep of hell.
I choose to live.
And you can too.
Great post Niki. Thanks for sharing so other women will also break free from their chains and speak out. Love you.
I was wondering when you were going to post part three. I am not done with the book yet. I was struggling with some issues and put the book aside for a couple months. I want to finish it now.
Some of those choices you speak of need to be made daily. I know I do. I never knew forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It was pounded into my head that there should always be a bond with family members. I have struggled with this for many years. It strengthens my fears. I am just now coming to grips with this. I was told fear is anger turned inwards. I have both.
This picture is very powerful. I really like it. It means a lot to me. Thank you for posting again.
love your definition of forgiveness.